Archive for February, 2012
So here is a faithful lady who received a faith healing from Pat Robertson for pain in her knees, but the pain came back and she writes to complain.
First of all, you think that maybe the pain in her knees is being caused by too much praying?
But don’t worry, Robertson does the right thing and lets her know it’s her own damn fault. He explains that she must’ve done something wrong, and tells her she needs to ” receive it, stand on it, take it, and praise God for it” … Yeah, and if that doesn’t work, try Advil.
Robertson goes on to blame Satan also, because thats a cause you can never verify. But I say how could Satan have caused the pain in this lady’s knees when he is so busy telling Obama how to destroy America?
Nobody Knows Rick Santorum like his sweater vest, and he calls in to let us know what it is like being wrapped around Rick Santorum’s skin 24/7. The details just might surprise you, or will they?
Mitt Romney says he loves Michigan because the “trees are the right height”, and we wonder if we even have to write a joke for that.
Benjamin Netanaju has been aching for a war with Iran ever since Israel developed a nuclear weapon, and now he want to attack Iran before they get their own nuke. Benjamin, who like to be referred to as “BeBe”, calls in to call me naive and dismiss Americans concern about war. Thank god he’s funny or else I might not like that guy.
Christians, well it turns out that they are a very, very selective group. Even if you get baptized, call yourself a christian and go to christian church your whole life, chances are if you are a democrat you still are not a Christian. Yes, its true, just ask Franklin Graham, he’s the son of the gifted orator Billy Graham. Well he’s not so gifted and so he needs to slander his political opponents to get attention.
And so does Mr. Integrity himself, race baiter and religious bigot, Rick Santorum. He says he’s “takes pres Obama at his word that he’s a Christian”, but he still likes to pretend that he doesn’t in front of racists.
Rick Santorum’s Sweater Vest is with him 24/7 and knows him inside and out. Well, he also has lots of secrets about what it feels like to be wrapped around Ricks skin, and what its like late at night when Rick is wearing nothing but the vest. The answer just may surprise you, or will it?!
The Rants are top notch this week as Steve Rosenfield breaks down the republican primary dilemma of a having to choose between a guy who can’t win and a guy who nobody likes– that can’t win. Plus Paul Gilmartin stands up for peace in the middle east and against the war mongers in Israel.
Jerry Sandusky can not seem to stop speaking into microphones about just how much he likes hanging out with kids. An unorthodox strategy to fight molestation charges to say the least. But it turns out after decades of committing child rape, Jerry Sanduysky is the real victim here and that lands him in this weeks Oh My God segment.
Yes the liberals who own the media wont put conservatives on TV. Don’t believe me? Just as him, or Kelsey Grammer, Drew Carey, or Patricia Heaton.
The Catholic Church is upset about Obamacare mandating they provide contraception coverage to their employees. Chris Mathews brings on a “Catholic Scholar” who explains that the Catholic Church are also victims. It seems to be a theme this week or something, but yes even one of largest and most powerful institutions in the world is also a victim and they are tired of being “beaten up”! I swear I am not making any of this up.
Gay Marriage has now passed he New Jersey Legislature and Chris Christie calls in to explain why he is against it. Bill Orielley also has his bush in a knot about the Catholic Church and contraception and he calls in to scream a little.
Jerry Sandusky is trying to prove that he’s a good guy and not a molester by repeatedly telling people how much he likes hanging out with kids. Here he is also tryiing to get his bail conditions eased. His house butts up against the back of a school and a children’s playground, and neighbors have complained that he is on his back porch when the children are on the playground. He is not allowed out of his house, or do any of the usual things he used to do , and he just doesn’t understand why.
He wants you to know that he is definitely the victim here. I was waiting for him to say “This is the thanks I get for teaching all those kids how to shower?”. I imagine if I talked with him our conversation would go something like this”
Sandusky: “I don’t get why I can’t just do the things I used to do in my community.”
Me: “Because Jerry, you’re accused of raping children.”
Sandusky: “Yes, that is one thing I used to do in my community.”
Below are a few of my favorite quotes from his press conference:
“I have been associated with thousands of children over the years”. Yeah, and some you weren’t even attracted to.
“My friends want to see me and spend time with me, and I have to tell them I can’t”.. – But did you tell them the reason you can’t see them is cuz you are busy staring at the kids next door on the playground.
Now I have often wondered what kind of a horrible lawyer keeps letting their client speak like this on camera? But for all I know we could be witnessing the single greatest piece of lawyering in history. See, by the time Sandusky walks into court, they will have hours of news footage of him proving he is too incompetent to stand trial. And if that doesn’t work, an appeal based on incompetence of counsel seems to be a lock.